Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
