I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So many bounce houses so little time
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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