you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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