does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
did i just pee glitter
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
