The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
