I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
