in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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