Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
