my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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