I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
