Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
