Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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