I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
