the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
