i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
They have beer where we have blood.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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