i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize