At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
