so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
