Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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