can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
