Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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