There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We had sex on a dog bed..
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
