If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
