we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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