No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
