For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
