OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
