hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
