You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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