Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
