Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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