Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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