OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
