Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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