What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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