you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
