LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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