I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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