3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Randomize
