hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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