In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
