I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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