been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
