i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
