I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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