your thong is hanging out like whoa
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You can't special order awesome
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
