Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm passing your future prison.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
