Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
