You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
