Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
