I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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