I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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