she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
