WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
