ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
