If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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