I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
