I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
