i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
