So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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