she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize