That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
