dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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