these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
