I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The air taste purple.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
