this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
