Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
