Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize