Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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