Your mouth is God's brothel.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
