How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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