I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
