every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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