Non-Jews are for practice
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
