I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
