She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
