my mouth tastes like poor choices
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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