Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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