I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
