The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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