i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
