Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
two words: eviction party
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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