I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
