I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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