I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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