My underwear smells like fireworks.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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