If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
