she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
