I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just had sex bonerless
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
