Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
