i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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