No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
