Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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