You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
