legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
