the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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