glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
