He uses pillows to masturbate.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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